Some people travel to third world countries expecting to bless, expecting to save the world and be a hero.  Some people travel to third world countries to feel better about themselves, make themselves feel accepted by God because they served the 'least of these' for a whole 2 weeks.
Some people travel to third world countries to explore the place.
Some people go to get away from the real world.
Some people are naive.
Some people.
But I traveled to this place not because I wanted to, but because God placed within me a desire.  Uganda.  My heart now knows the place.  My mind whirls with stories and images from the place.  My soul longs to go back and hear those thick accents and feel those dirty hands gripping mine.  I had no expectations.  I did not go to bless or be blessed. But I knew Jesus would use me in some way.  My Jesus showed me the suffering and the hurt.  He showed me the dirty, the ugly and the sin-filled.  But He also showed me the healing and the joy.  The pure, the beautiful and the God-filled. My heart was filled, and my soul matured.  He held my hand and shared his treasured people with me.  In my fears He strengthened me. I will never be the same because of this God who made Himself known to me in new ways.  I am changed because I didn't just go.  There was more to it. There was God.  There was a God who is so beautiful and unpredictable that He'll use foolishness like me.

You fill me with joy...

...with peace...

....with happiness...

....with song...

....with laughter. 

6 weeks ago I began a journey that was bound to change me.  6 weeks ago fear crept into my heart and asked me why I would chose to travel to a land on the other side of the world, I didn't know the answer but God whispered to me "Because you love me better." And as I landed in Uganda and felt the heat wash over me I felt nauseous.  I felt culture shocked. What am I doing here?  Why did I even choose to come?  But the fact was, I never chose to go, God told me to go.  The first few days were rough, I had never felt so homesick and culture shocked in my life. But then there were those babies... and somehow they made me feel at home as I fell in love.  As I kissed their chubby cheeks I knew that I would never want to leave.  My 6 weeks in Africa changed me and challenged me in my growth with Jesus and in maturity.  I learned to trust Jesus more than ever there.  Every time I got on the back of a Boda-boda I said a quick prayer like "Jesus, protect me and let this man be a safe driver."  He brought opportunities like when the power was turned off to talk and fellowship with new friends or play games or sit in the darkness and spend time with Him.  He brought this joy to my heart and filled me so deeply.  

There are so many things I miss about Uganda- 53 children and all the friends I made there.  Every morning when I walked down the stairs, the little girls would see me and chant "Auntie tistianna!". Their hugs.  Their kisses.  Their songs. Their smiles. Their silliness.  Oh, they melt my heart.  I miss the people of Uganda and how easy it was to talk with them.  I miss the crazy noises the birds made.  I miss the roads with huge potholes and random 'Humps' (okay, not really).  I miss so much of Uganda, but am at peace because I know I will go back.  I know I will hold some of the children who have my heart again.  I know God wouldn't ask me to go and then never go back again.  My heart misses them, but I know it will be only a matter of months before I am back again.  And I hear God's voice "Because you loved me more, you have been changed for the better."  I am blessed.