I watched him.  So proud of his new family, I was glad for him, so glad that he finally had a forever family.  He had waited so long for this, and had endured empty promises. His cheesy white grin and uplifted head showed how happy he was.  It was evident, he was loved by many.  But my heart broke as I watched another little man, one who had lived there all his life waiting. Waiting. Yes, he knew he was loved.  Yes.  But he wanted a forever family, one who would shower him in the hugs and kisses and spoil him. He wanted it too, and that was evident. Think about it; you watch as your friends are adopted and taken to America, or gain Ugandan foster parents, or their birthparents come back for them... and you are left waiting.  Waiting.  Your heart longing to feel special enough for them.  He sat there staring and I wondered what was going through his mind.  Anger, hope, fear, envy.  I couldn't imagine- watching my brothers be taken and wondering why I wasn't good enough.

   I flip through pictures of an adoptive family on facebook, a little girl holds up and picture of her new forever family- while a girl behind her stares on.  Is she waiting too? Does she have a mom and a dad? Does she have someone who will whisper "I love you. Jesus loves you. You are beautiful and cherished."? Does she have to be waiting with so. many. Christians? If the churches stopped preaching what satisfies the crowds and starts preaching what the world needs to hear.. Yes, we are saved by grace-so why don't we extend grace?  Yes, we can do good for God from inside our comfort zones- but you will never change the world unless you go outside.  Yes, tithing is good- but God wants all of you.  Churches don't want to hear it. Churches don't want to hear about the ugly and broken, only the good and the saved and the comfortable.  But truth be told, if you have room for a orphan and you refuse to give it, you are keeping Jesus waiting.  Waiting because you don't see a way you could give up your too big house and your boat and your long hours- you are living the American dream, but not living God's plan for Christian's to care for the orphans- sure you sponsor 3 children, but you don't touch them, you don't laugh with them, you don't share anymore with them than walking to your mailbox to mail a check to them.  You are keeping Jesus waiting.
  
   God, move these Christians. 2 billion claim to be Christ followers, and yet, only 147 million are left in foster care, orphanages, waiting for families. 127,000 in the USA waiting to be adopted. Go share you're life with them. Go.  And if for some reason your health forbids you, then support those who do.  And if you really are penniless and unwilling to allow God to provide, then use your voice.  It's unfair that they wait. It's not what Jesus wanted.

What YOU do for the least of these YOU DO for me.

Don't keep Jesus waiting.

 “Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” ~David Platt

I had some friends ask me to sum up Uganda in a few words, my reaction was "I can't."  I can't sum up their beautiful faces, and all 53 personalities that I grew to love. I can't describe how the joy would well up when that one special little girl giggled every time she saw me, and when I kissed that soft, chubby little forehead. I can't explain the cultural differences in a few words, what we would think unacceptable they think totally acceptable (and vice versa). I can't tell you how happy it made me every time she would stand up and take a few steps and then fall down laughing and refuse to try again.  I can't remember how many times we took boda-boda all over town, because for the most part that was our only transportation and tell of all the close calls.  I can't sum up the joy in the time we went to the village and we were mobbed by children who wanted a simple bracelet, all of them shouting "Mzungu me! Mzungu meeee!", we were exhausted by the time we finished but their smiles were worth it.  I can't tell how many times the boys made me laugh, or how many times my hair was braided, or how much I enjoyed the flowers they picked just for me. I can't explain why I had a love-hate relationship with the rain. I can't tell you when I learned to be thankful for power outages because that meant more time to focus on new friends and play crazy card games by a kerosene lamp. I can't sum up how it felt to wake up in the morning and hear your name being chanted by little voices downstairs, or how if the sun didn't wake you up by 6:45, the crying babies or singing children downstairs were bound to.  I can't tell you how it breaks your heart to say goodbye to 53 children and new friends and hope you will see them again, but know a few of them may not be there when you return.  But you know Jesus loves them more and you get into the car and you drive 3 hours, and then you hold back the tears as you take off and Uganda grows smaller and smaller and you hope you'll be back soon.  I cannot put Uganda into a few words, because it's so, so, so, much more than that.  And I want to be back there. Desperately.  I pray to God that He will take me back there soon, not because I am ungrateful with life here, not because I don't love the use of electricity every single day, or the fact that cars typically drive on their sides of the roads, there isn't any holes in the middle of the streets and we don't do our laundry by hand ... I am thankful that I have the luxury of that... but Africa means more than all of that. It fills me with purpose. It seems to beckon me to it's challenges.  I'm not a daring girl, I'm not one to seek out adventure, but I do love a good challenge. I love being able to say that was hard, but oh, worth it.  Sometimes life in America is too much for me, and those 6 weeks in Africa were so refreshing.  It was the beginning of a new phase in my life and I know it.  My heart longs for a place, but now I know where. I know who.  I can recite the 53 names to you, and you wouldn't know them... but you'd know that I love them very much.  I could tell you story upon story and you may not listen to my words but you would be able to hear the joy, because I'm in love. And I'm yearning to go back. To wrap my arms around those children and kiss their chubby cheeks, and for a moment I would feel as though I were in heaven and nothing else would matter.

I want to go back to Uganda.

Some people travel to third world countries expecting to bless, expecting to save the world and be a hero.  Some people travel to third world countries to feel better about themselves, make themselves feel accepted by God because they served the 'least of these' for a whole 2 weeks.
Some people travel to third world countries to explore the place.
Some people go to get away from the real world.
Some people are naive.
Some people.
But I traveled to this place not because I wanted to, but because God placed within me a desire.  Uganda.  My heart now knows the place.  My mind whirls with stories and images from the place.  My soul longs to go back and hear those thick accents and feel those dirty hands gripping mine.  I had no expectations.  I did not go to bless or be blessed. But I knew Jesus would use me in some way.  My Jesus showed me the suffering and the hurt.  He showed me the dirty, the ugly and the sin-filled.  But He also showed me the healing and the joy.  The pure, the beautiful and the God-filled. My heart was filled, and my soul matured.  He held my hand and shared his treasured people with me.  In my fears He strengthened me. I will never be the same because of this God who made Himself known to me in new ways.  I am changed because I didn't just go.  There was more to it. There was God.  There was a God who is so beautiful and unpredictable that He'll use foolishness like me.

You fill me with joy...

...with peace...

....with happiness...

....with song...

....with laughter. 

6 weeks ago I began a journey that was bound to change me.  6 weeks ago fear crept into my heart and asked me why I would chose to travel to a land on the other side of the world, I didn't know the answer but God whispered to me "Because you love me better." And as I landed in Uganda and felt the heat wash over me I felt nauseous.  I felt culture shocked. What am I doing here?  Why did I even choose to come?  But the fact was, I never chose to go, God told me to go.  The first few days were rough, I had never felt so homesick and culture shocked in my life. But then there were those babies... and somehow they made me feel at home as I fell in love.  As I kissed their chubby cheeks I knew that I would never want to leave.  My 6 weeks in Africa changed me and challenged me in my growth with Jesus and in maturity.  I learned to trust Jesus more than ever there.  Every time I got on the back of a Boda-boda I said a quick prayer like "Jesus, protect me and let this man be a safe driver."  He brought opportunities like when the power was turned off to talk and fellowship with new friends or play games or sit in the darkness and spend time with Him.  He brought this joy to my heart and filled me so deeply.  

There are so many things I miss about Uganda- 53 children and all the friends I made there.  Every morning when I walked down the stairs, the little girls would see me and chant "Auntie tistianna!". Their hugs.  Their kisses.  Their songs. Their smiles. Their silliness.  Oh, they melt my heart.  I miss the people of Uganda and how easy it was to talk with them.  I miss the crazy noises the birds made.  I miss the roads with huge potholes and random 'Humps' (okay, not really).  I miss so much of Uganda, but am at peace because I know I will go back.  I know I will hold some of the children who have my heart again.  I know God wouldn't ask me to go and then never go back again.  My heart misses them, but I know it will be only a matter of months before I am back again.  And I hear God's voice "Because you loved me more, you have been changed for the better."  I am blessed. 

4 weeks ago I walked through security, with the words "my adventure has begin" ringing through my head. I didn't know what God had planned for me, but I knew it was good. I remember the moments of doubt and all I could hear from Him was "because you love me better, that's why you will go." and here I am 4 weeks later. I am so incredibly blessed in this place. I wake to this cries of children, children I have fallen in love with. I help dress them and brush their teeth and feed them. I play with them and let them braid my hair. I help teach them their numbers and letter and color with them. But what I give is so much less than I have taken away from this experience. Their love, their faces, their resilience. Their stories are unfathomable, but here they stand loving anyway, trusting freely. Because this place is more than an orphanage, it's a home with mamas who will be here for them and aunties who come visit them and love them. I listen in amazement as they sing songs praising Jesus. Jesus is so good. The time has gone by so quickly and I know my heart will break to leave, but God has bigger plans for my life that at this point I have no idea what they are. I know I will return back to Africa one day. But the next 4 years may be lived in the states going through college and growing in Christ... I still have 13 days to treasure these children and make more memories of this beautiful place with all the beautiful smiles. I am thankful for a God who is so big and yet small enough to hear us.

I walk down the dirt road I have walked many times in the first 3 weeks of living here. This time is different though, I have a moby wrapped baby tied to me. She is just over a year old and everything is new to her. Her eyes grow wide as we walk past the black birds sitting on the fence, she watchings the trees intently. She kicks her legs a little and she giggles that sweet small giggle. We arrive at the restrurant and I order vanilla ice cream for her. She tries a bit and spits it out- too cold. I scoop up some melted ice cream and after tasting she begins to beg for more, her mouth wide open I spoon more for her. When it's gone she still reaches for the bowl, wanting more. She begins to sing little songs. It fills me. This precious little one who's home is across a ocean from me, this little one whom I was so excited to meet... She sits here on my lap giggling. It's surreal, all these months of fundraising and the excitement of coming building each day, here I am. On an ice cream date with this child. I am so blessed. I am so happy. And HE is so good.