This Life

Sometimes God seems silent. Sometimes He chooses not to show us where our life is about to journey to. Sometimes we stand in the middle of that path called life, palms up, shoulders shagging. Sometimes we feel empty, searching for our bigger purpose. Sometimes we gasp for breath, try to find air that will fill us. But nothing will fill us. Everyone thinks we’re going crazy, in reality we are just trying to listen. We yearn for the voice of God to come. We don’t want to travel on without Him. We don’t want to make a mistake. We want our whole lives to shut down as we search for Him. He seems distance. His stars still hang in the sky, we still know He loves, He lives, He cares. We wonder though, has He forgotten me? Am I where I am supposed to be? Will I ever hear Him speak to me again? Will this emptiness fill me for the rest of this life? Will He say well done My good and faithful servant? What if our lives was not what He had planned for me? What if? What if I waste my entire life serving Africa when He wanted me in Cambodia, Romania or the United States? What if I take care of the orphans and widows and He wanted me to fight against abortion? What if I leave everything I have and find myself completely lost and lonely in a foreign land? What if I continue to come up empty? The questions have been haunting me, scaring me, and suffocating me. I pray, I praise, I live, I love, but why can’t I hear Him? I try drowning out all the noise of my life, but I still come up broken and empty. I cry out, “God answer me!” I hear Him whisper “Serve Me.” But when? Where? How? I wait, I want, I need. I feel like I am becoming like Peter, leaving the boat with uncertainty, then I’ll end up drowning. I’m looking at the waves and the wind and panic fills every inch of me. I’ve forgotten that God holds these waves and winds and this life of mine in His hands. I’ve forgotten that He will never leave me or forsake me. So why? Why don’t I hear Him? Maybe He's waiting on me. Maybe He’s waiting for me to get out of the boat. Maybe once I get out, I stop panicking I will see that the waves and wind aren’t as the appear, they are gentle, they are calming. Maybe I will realize that the storm will rage at times, but Jesus’ love for me will never be shaken, His love stands firm. This journey through life is hard. It’s challenging, it’s terrifying. But once we are out of the boat we will see life in ways we never had. It hurts to let go of our lives and try to make sure Jesus’ hands are holding us up. But sometimes we have to walk across the water alone, then we’ll see the power of Jesus in ways we never had before. We will fall like Peter at times, our arms flailing, our hearts pounding, but then Jesus will lift us, surrender will overcome us. Our lives our fragile, His hands are strong. He is here. Though there are times we walk across the waves feeling all alone, He’s here. He loves. He has written our complete stories before we were made in a secret place, before we took our very first breaths, before we were fearfully and wonderfully created, He planned our lives, He planned the lives we would touch, the hearts we would reach, the prayers we would pray, the time we get out of our boats and lose control on our lives, surrendering our broken and battered lives into His hands. The exact moment I would realize, this isn't my life. Jesus doesn't belong to me, I belong to Jesus. Oh, how He loves. Wherever You lead, Lord, I will follow.