End of the World

I've been thinking a lot about the end of the world coming. Do I believe it is approaching us? Yes. But even the disciples believed that, and it's been 2,000 years. Do I hope the end of the world is coming? Yes and no. Yes, I am not afraid to live eternity with my Lord and Savior. No, because I want to see the world be changed by Christ followers. Do I think Jesus will make His return on May 21st? Definitely not. Jesus said:

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. (Matthew 24:42-44)

Jesus went on to say that not even He knew the day and hour, only the Father in heaven. If the Savior of the world, didn't know, and didn't try to estimate, then who are we to assume we can label a day as judgement day? Placing signs on buses and benches? Who are we to believe we a smarter, more able to point out the day, that Jesus on His throne doesn't even know? We are but human, we do not know. Educated guesses don't know. Only God the Father does. When that glorious day comes, there will be no signs on buses or benches predicting it. There will be no protesters on the side of the road. Nobody will be marking their calenders and waiting anxiously. It will be unexpected, and the beauty of it will be unexplainable.

This Life

Sometimes God seems silent. Sometimes He chooses not to show us where our life is about to journey to. Sometimes we stand in the middle of that path called life, palms up, shoulders shagging. Sometimes we feel empty, searching for our bigger purpose. Sometimes we gasp for breath, try to find air that will fill us. But nothing will fill us. Everyone thinks we’re going crazy, in reality we are just trying to listen. We yearn for the voice of God to come. We don’t want to travel on without Him. We don’t want to make a mistake. We want our whole lives to shut down as we search for Him. He seems distance. His stars still hang in the sky, we still know He loves, He lives, He cares. We wonder though, has He forgotten me? Am I where I am supposed to be? Will I ever hear Him speak to me again? Will this emptiness fill me for the rest of this life? Will He say well done My good and faithful servant? What if our lives was not what He had planned for me? What if? What if I waste my entire life serving Africa when He wanted me in Cambodia, Romania or the United States? What if I take care of the orphans and widows and He wanted me to fight against abortion? What if I leave everything I have and find myself completely lost and lonely in a foreign land? What if I continue to come up empty? The questions have been haunting me, scaring me, and suffocating me. I pray, I praise, I live, I love, but why can’t I hear Him? I try drowning out all the noise of my life, but I still come up broken and empty. I cry out, “God answer me!” I hear Him whisper “Serve Me.” But when? Where? How? I wait, I want, I need. I feel like I am becoming like Peter, leaving the boat with uncertainty, then I’ll end up drowning. I’m looking at the waves and the wind and panic fills every inch of me. I’ve forgotten that God holds these waves and winds and this life of mine in His hands. I’ve forgotten that He will never leave me or forsake me. So why? Why don’t I hear Him? Maybe He's waiting on me. Maybe He’s waiting for me to get out of the boat. Maybe once I get out, I stop panicking I will see that the waves and wind aren’t as the appear, they are gentle, they are calming. Maybe I will realize that the storm will rage at times, but Jesus’ love for me will never be shaken, His love stands firm. This journey through life is hard. It’s challenging, it’s terrifying. But once we are out of the boat we will see life in ways we never had. It hurts to let go of our lives and try to make sure Jesus’ hands are holding us up. But sometimes we have to walk across the water alone, then we’ll see the power of Jesus in ways we never had before. We will fall like Peter at times, our arms flailing, our hearts pounding, but then Jesus will lift us, surrender will overcome us. Our lives our fragile, His hands are strong. He is here. Though there are times we walk across the waves feeling all alone, He’s here. He loves. He has written our complete stories before we were made in a secret place, before we took our very first breaths, before we were fearfully and wonderfully created, He planned our lives, He planned the lives we would touch, the hearts we would reach, the prayers we would pray, the time we get out of our boats and lose control on our lives, surrendering our broken and battered lives into His hands. The exact moment I would realize, this isn't my life. Jesus doesn't belong to me, I belong to Jesus. Oh, how He loves. Wherever You lead, Lord, I will follow.

My parents

My parents... I guess I'll start at the fact that they were married nearly 20 years ago and are still married, which is becoming more and more un-heard of...exaggerating...a little. My dad is from Virginia, and my mom is from California. They were both in the military at the time. My mom got out once Hayden was born. My dad served 20 years before retiring. He now works for the military, and my mom still is at home with us kiddos, homeschooling and homemaking.

My dad. He's amazing. He is one of the best storytellers. We all listen to the stories from his childhood and laugh hysterically. He's not a huge people person, but wherever we go he knows someone. He makes us feel safe when he's home. Whenever he was deployed, it never felt the same, nights seemed darker. He loves us kids, a lot. He is going on a mission trip with me this summer, and I am super excited. Especially since I may only be living at home a couple more years. He's my daddy. He's my protector. He's one of my heroes. I love him.





My mom. One of my closest friends. The one I share most of my laughs with. The one who provides for us and loves us. The one who has educated us childrin. The one who washes dirty laundry and does all our grocery shopping. The one who makes our house a home. She has made many sacrifices and been asked why she chose this life many times. she could be living the american dream, with two teenagers, no toys laying all over the floors and not have to drive a 15 passenger van. But then she would of missed out on the sticky little kisses, the pitter patter of feet and the laughter as kids heads hit the roof of the van as we go over bumbs. She would have missed out on God's calling if she had chosen a worldly selfish lifestyle.




See that little ring? That's the ring that binds our family. That's the promise that no matter how crazy this life may be, we are a family. That's the hope that no matter how hard our world is shaken our love will stand.

Hayden

Hayden. He's been my brother since the day I was born. He is two years older than me, he gave me the name Kris, when my mom wanted me to go by Anna. Maybe it's because the name Anna doesn't fit me, or maybe it was because God was going to bring another baby Anna into our lives, 13 years later. Either way, I'm glad he was a little rebel and called me Kris instead.

Hayden and I have some crazy memories, I probably have more memories with him than with my other siblings-most of them when we were little living in Seattle. Zoo trips, sledding, playing with paper dolls, making radio shows, Mariners games, swimming and holding onto the table legs during an earthquake. We were pretty creative kids.

Hayden is 19 years old and finishing up his first two years of college. He loves birds, always has and always will. He's a pretty funny guy, and we're lucky to have him as our big brother. Love you, Hayden!

Kori

Kori is my older sister...older by eight months. We have so many funny, good and weird memories from our childhood. We both started playing violin 9 years ago... I gave up and she has continued. She now plays Mandolin, guitar and fiddle-she'd like to say piano too, but the only songs she knows are owl city... and I don't count that.




She hopes to sometime be a music teacher and start a swing band. Kori also loves to cook, she can't bake though, and she happily leaves that to me. She just became a lunch lady at the elementary school.

An interesting fact about Kori is that she is a fan of Justin Bieber on Facebook and loves watching his videos and reading all his status updates. Um-hmm. Kori and I have have been said to bicker like hens- I have to agree. But even so, I love you Kowy! (I hope that embarrassed you!)

Linnea

Linnea. I first met Linnea on the fourth of July. She was depressed, her heart saddened from all that her life had held. The young lady she is today is so much different from the little girl I met that day. Linnea has a passion for God and a spirit filled with joy.

Linnea has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. It doesn't stop her. Linnea has read more books than I know of. Those consisting of books I never got through because I found them boring. Linnea was in her first theater show the beginning of this year. She works hard at school. She's come a long ways.

Linnea loves animals. She hopes to work in a veterinary clinic someday. She's been studing her science books and loves all the interesting facts she collects. Linnea also loves to write short stories. She also is taking piano lesson and loves it. We were given a piano last year for her, and she was so excited.

Linnea has the heart to serve. She loves playing with the babies and can't wait to be a mommy someday. I'm pround of Linnea. Proud of all she has overcome and the young woman she is becoming. Though she has her hard days like the rest of us, she moves forward and tries her hardest. I love you Linnea!

Sara

Sara can be many thing; cute, funny, beautiful, loving, kind, gentle, amazing. But she had a rough start on life that has left her with many questions. She has tried to pick up the broken pieces that past relative and situations have left her with, but questions without answer still seem to haunt her heart. Leave her broken hearted.

Sara loves to sing and she has an incredible voice. She is extremely tiny for 11 years old. She hates it when people think she is younger. She is currently in ballet and doing very well. She also loves theater and is the lead in a show this summer.

We called Sara African American once. She got mad and told us never to call her that again. She's black and full of attitude. She's in love with Jaden Smith. Oh, yes. She loves horses and is saving up to buy one someday. She has been known to tell her class to shut up and listen to the teacher.

Sara has an amazing future before her. She has a life to be lived. Sara has trouble remembering that she is not alone, she has a family who loves her. I have watched as Sara has matured a bit over time, healed and forgave. Life continues on. We laugh, we cry, and we get back up and start over again. Jesus offers us a new life through adoption. Just like Sara has a new life. Sara, I love you girl.